you keep haunting me,
you keep popping into my dreams,
your words sting haunt my ears.
I've tried to move on, to forget,
I've tried to extend a hand,
I've tried to not care, or worry...
out of all the ones I've loved
the one who's caused so much pain,
why do i think of you still?
every time i think of you
i hate myself,
what I've done, what I've said...
i wish i could show you, prove to you
that i mean what i say,
that i still, somehow, love you.
i can feel it close
shutting everything,
everyone out...
this pain, this loneliness
it's done it's damage,
it's left it's scars.
the regrets,
the memories
the ghosts.
they've led up to this,
hidden, defended,
which ever word you like...
I've tried,
I've wronged
I've hurt....
I've given up,
I've asked why
i have no answers...
so I'm just closing,
closing up my heart,
closing up my thoughts...
so grey,
so cold,
so empty.
Blank words,
Empty meanings,
Cold sentiments,
Routine actions,
Fake smiles,
is anything real
in this complacent world?
Twisted views,
Tainted ideas,
Cruel intent,
True lies,
Lost values,
are there any truths
in the thoughts of virtues?
Fleeting times,
lost memories,
fading emotions,
forgotten promises,
regretted actions,
is anything real
in the moments in life?
Time clicks by,
I still try,
No sleep tonight,
Thoughts fill my mind.
What ifs,
Scenarios,
True and false,
What came to pass.
Another sunrise,
The light burns bright,
Burns in my eyes,
Waiting for sleep tonight.
Yawning, stretching,
Yearning for sleep,
Maybe even dreaming,
As long as my mind lets me.
Silence all around,
Only ambient sound.
Wishing to snore, so loud,
Wanting sleep, here, now.
No one near by,
No warm body at my side,
No tears to cry,
No sleep, day and night.
regret, hate, fear, sadness.
writers block, speechless,
wandering aimlessly, lost.
how did this all come to be?
how is it all who've wronged me,
have a perfect life, happy ending
crying, hiding, screaming,
sleepless nights, tired,
sitting alone, forgotten.
why am i the one only paying?
i know i did wrong, but why,
why don't they get the same pain?
rage, anger, pain,
blinded, shaking,
over taken, weakened.
what makes it right?
the ones who harm, and lie
always get what they want in life.
depressed, fed up,
forgettable, worthless,
not worth love, happiness.
when did this become right?
the ones who cheat and lie,
are given everything, no
To look back in time,
reviewing your life,
seeing all the mistakes done,
knowing now what has come.
would you do it over?
"do it right?"
would you learn the unknown?
to finally find out the "how's", the "why's".
to learn why you had no choice at times,
to see who is worth the fight,
or when to let it go, or say "no"?
wouldn't it be nice to,
change your life for he better,
maybe stop the pain from the lies,
avoid the most dangerous of times?
would you see why;
parents, friends, loves,
why did they hurt you so much?
why did they leave you behind?
would you stop them?
questions everyone ponders over.
i know what my decisions would be.
to ha
that void,
that emptiness,
that hole...
it fills me with
a longing, a want
to fill what I'm missing.
what made this hole in me?
why can i not find it's filling?
where are the right pieces?
what is it that I'm missing?
how many times have i tried?
i can't fill what i don't know,
what i don't understand.
how did this happen??
did someone cause this?
is it self inflicted?
feeling alone, forgettable,
someone who's unlovable;
even though I'm told otherwise.
i can't believe, or see their words.
with this void inside me.
this void eats the good,
the positive, the love,
leaving me secluded.
what am i missing?
how can i fill this pit?
what piec
shadows of past times
run through my mind.
fragments of what could be
play out scenes for me.
people, words, actions,
all that had been done.
the fears of seeming certain people
cause so much pain, it could kill.
dreams so sweet,
i wish they were real.
nightmares so clear,
i wake from strong fear.
wy do these dreams
come at times, so lonely?
why can't my dreams be true?
i wish i could be with you,
now that I've learned, and grown,
knowing what i should and shouldn't do.
these shadows haunt me,
so realistic, wondering are they real?
sights, sounds, feelings, regrets,
all things I'd rather forget.
if only i knew you'd cause this pain
i would
my eyes burn,
my fists clenched,
my throat growls,
my body shakes....
all this negative energy
has built up inside me,
it wants for a release,
something, someone to beat.
my eyes can't ever believe
all the evil grins they see,
the pain from so many tears,
the red hue from hate in me.
my fists clenched so tight,
veins pulse plain in slight.
they long for a cruel fight,
all to make things right.
my throat holding a deep growl,
wanting to release so many vowels,
sounds so dark, to make everyone cower,
words so strong, hate, and power.
my body shakes from all the rage,
like a wild beast fighting a cage,
it longs to cause so much pain,
to the
anger, rage, hate
feelings that destroy all.
depression, loneliness,
feelings that break us.
regret, remorse, fear,
feelings that eat away...
all of these all at once,
all of the darkness inside,
the want of destruction
of all that has betrayed, lied...
i hate what you've done,
i hate what I've become,
all this from "love",
that was all pretty lies...
i hate this darkness
it's again alive, and hungry,
it eats at the rekindled black
that has taken a hold of me.
all because you had one more move,
one more dagger to twist, and use.
now from this darkness
i know my weaknesses...
to trust, and believe
that people who claim to be a friend,
woul
Blank words,
Empty meanings,
Cold sentiments,
Routine actions,
Fake smiles,
is anything real
in this complacent world?
Twisted views,
Tainted ideas,
Cruel intent,
True lies,
Lost values,
are there any truths
in the thoughts of virtues?
Fleeting times,
lost memories,
fading emotions,
forgotten promises,
regretted actions,
is anything real
in the moments in life?
Time clicks by,
I still try,
No sleep tonight,
Thoughts fill my mind.
What ifs,
Scenarios,
True and false,
What came to pass.
Another sunrise,
The light burns bright,
Burns in my eyes,
Waiting for sleep tonight.
Yawning, stretching,
Yearning for sleep,
Maybe even dreaming,
As long as my mind lets me.
Silence all around,
Only ambient sound.
Wishing to snore, so loud,
Wanting sleep, here, now.
No one near by,
No warm body at my side,
No tears to cry,
No sleep, day and night.
To look back in time,
reviewing your life,
seeing all the mistakes done,
knowing now what has come.
would you do it over?
"do it right?"
would you learn the unknown?
to finally find out the "how's", the "why's".
to learn why you had no choice at times,
to see who is worth the fight,
or when to let it go, or say "no"?
wouldn't it be nice to,
change your life for he better,
maybe stop the pain from the lies,
avoid the most dangerous of times?
would you see why;
parents, friends, loves,
why did they hurt you so much?
why did they leave you behind?
would you stop them?
questions everyone ponders over.
i know what my decisions would be.
to ha
shadows of past times
run through my mind.
fragments of what could be
play out scenes for me.
people, words, actions,
all that had been done.
the fears of seeming certain people
cause so much pain, it could kill.
dreams so sweet,
i wish they were real.
nightmares so clear,
i wake from strong fear.
wy do these dreams
come at times, so lonely?
why can't my dreams be true?
i wish i could be with you,
now that I've learned, and grown,
knowing what i should and shouldn't do.
these shadows haunt me,
so realistic, wondering are they real?
sights, sounds, feelings, regrets,
all things I'd rather forget.
if only i knew you'd cause this pain
i would
anger, rage, hate
feelings that destroy all.
depression, loneliness,
feelings that break us.
regret, remorse, fear,
feelings that eat away...
all of these all at once,
all of the darkness inside,
the want of destruction
of all that has betrayed, lied...
i hate what you've done,
i hate what I've become,
all this from "love",
that was all pretty lies...
i hate this darkness
it's again alive, and hungry,
it eats at the rekindled black
that has taken a hold of me.
all because you had one more move,
one more dagger to twist, and use.
now from this darkness
i know my weaknesses...
to trust, and believe
that people who claim to be a friend,
woul
Today is supposed to be
A celebration.
But to me,
It's the worst day
Of depression.
"Happy birthday"
Words said of habit,
Carelessly and empty.
How can it be happy
When there's no one
To be with and have fun,
When it's just me,
Another day, lonely?
Every year has been the same.
Spent alone, just another day.
My birthday wish?
"Have someone here,
Someone to have fun with.'
"Feel special and loved
On one day of the year."
I've been told I'm a good person,
Someone with a big heart.
So, if this is true,
Why am I always hurt,
Used, betrayed, broken ?
It's said the good people suffer the most
Because they know
How it feels how it is to be truly alone.
Is it something in human nature
That the good suffer
While the bad thrive?
How can this be right?
Why hurt the ones closest to you,
Who are there no matter What,
Who knows you the most,
Who won't betray ,lie, or use?
You're called a bitch for being To strong,
You're called weak because you care to much.
Why do humans act this way?
They claim to want peace,
But are always at war.
Why?!
Do you feel the
This black, cold pain
Is starting to take over again,
Wanting nothing to do with anyone,
Neither new or old,
I hate being So alone,
Yet I want no one.
Nothing is wrong in particular,
I've just shut everyone out.
I want and don't want
to have someone near.
Even though it's been some time
I fear being fooled by another lie.
I fear letting someone in again,
Only to feel that kind of pain.
No one has Done anything wrong,
I hope this doesn't last too long,
I guess this is what happens
When my mind wanders again.
Due to these scars
From trusting,
and letting someone in,
I won't do it again.
It must not be all of you,
Rather something I do.
I cling, push away, over think,
No wonder I'm still alone.
From all the pain, all the lies,
I won't be able to trust,
Won't let any one see;
My loving, trusting, vulnerable me,
That part that hides deep inside.
So many tines I thought I knew you,
Both inside and out.
It turns out I knew nothing at all.
You just let me crumble and fall.
I wish I knew that's something you can do,
without regrets or doubt.
So many exes,
So many lies,
So many excuse,
So many "whys?"
My eyes have cried
So much they've dried.
So many times
I wish I died.
I know I mean nothing to you,
I know you shouldn't matter too,
But no matter how I try,
You still do.
You've torn me apart,
left me with So many scars
Across and through my heart.
So why?
I know I'll never have a real chance
To prove to you that we can last,
But despite what you say,
I know you won't let go of the past,
You won't give me another day.
semi reading through some of my old writings...and omfg the typos!! I apologize for so many...I tend to post my writings directly from my phone, without any kind of proof reading...
yes, I'm still alive :p I've got some writings i have to still post...need to just sit on the pc and type/submit them. hope al is well with those who watch me. :)
n happy high Easter (4.20)
I've been talking with one of my followers today ( Scout73 ), and she gave me a good idea about what i could possibly do to either get started in writing articles/critiques for fun, or maybe use it to make a possible living from.
a few years ago, someone mentioned that i should try to make a blog. i thought about it, and came up with two articles. 2 years later the blog has gathered dust, and no views. after my conversation with scout73, i sat down with pen and paper in hand, and just started writing....4 pages later i finished what i will post as my third article/blog.
here's my question to all of you ; do you think i should post the , now