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youyou keep haunting me,
you keep popping into my dreams,
your words sting haunt my ears.
I've tried to move on, to forget,
I've tried to extend a hand,
I've tried to not care, or worry...
out of all all the ones I've loved
the one who's caused so much pain,
why do i think of you still?
every time i think of you
i hate myself,
what I've done, what I've said...
i wish i could show you, prove to you
that i mean what i say,
that i still, somehow, love you.
Untitledi can feel it close
this pain, this loneliness
it's done it's damage,
it's left it's scars.
they've led up to this,
which ever word you like...
I've given up,
I've asked why
i have no answers...
so I'm just closing,
closing up my heart,
closing up my thoughts...
is anything real
in this complacent world?
are there any truths
in the thoughts of virtues?
is anything real
in the moments in life?
another sleepless nightTime clicks by,
I still try,
No sleep tonight,
Thoughts fill my mind.
True and false,
What came to pass.
The light burns bright,
Burns in my eyes,
Waiting for sleep tonight.
Yearning for sleep,
Maybe even dreaming,
As long as my mind lets me.
Silence all around,
Only ambient sound.
Wishing to snore, so loud,
Wanting sleep, here, now.
No one near by,
No warm body at my side,
No tears to cry,
No sleep, day and night.
messy thoughtsregret, hate, fear, sadness.
writers block, speechless,
wandering aimlessly, lost.
how did this all come to be?
how is it all who've wronged me,
have a perfect life, happy ending
crying, hiding, screaming,
sleepless nights, tired,
sitting alone, forgotten.
why am i the one only paying?
i know i did wrong, but why,
why don't they get the same pain?
rage, anger, pain,
over taken, weakened.
what makes it right?
the ones who harm, and lie
always get what they want in life.
depressed, fed up,
not worth love, happiness.
when did this become right?
the ones who cheat and lie,
are given everything, no fight.
scarred from the pain.
who have i wronged?
am i really the cause
for my own misery?
given up, fed up.
what's the point?
where is their karmic return?
they do wrong, cause pain,
yet aren't given that in return.
lied to, betrayed,
torn, ripped, shred,
mind, body and soul.
to know they've bee
what i missed...To look back in time,
reviewing your life,
seeing all the mistakes done,
knowing now what has come.
would you do it over?
"do it right?"
would you learn the unknown?
to finally find out the "how's", the "why's".
to learn why you had no choice at times,
to see who is worth the fight,
or when to let it go, or say "no"?
wouldn't it be nice to,
change your life for he better,
maybe stop the pain from the lies,
avoid the most dangerous of times?
would you see why;
parents, friends, loves,
why did they hurt you so much?
why did they leave you behind?
would you stop them?
questions everyone ponders over.
i know what my decisions would be.
to have a "normal" family,
to have a dad to
"walk me down the isle."
to have a mom,
to do what ever a mom and daughter would do.
to have childhood friends,
to swap those stories with.
having a "girls night out".
to not feel so alone, and awkward.
maybe these simple things
seem so mundane to others,
but they are all things i never had.
to see a happy child wi
the emptinessthat void,
it fills me with
a longing, a want
to fill what I'm missing.
what made this hole in me?
why can i not find it's filling?
where are the right pieces?
what is it that I'm missing?
how many times have i tried?
i can't fill what i don't know,
what i don't understand.
how did this happen??
did someone cause this?
is it self inflicted?
feeling alone, forgettable,
someone who's unlovable;
even though I'm told otherwise.
i can't believe, or see their words.
with this void inside me.
this void eats the good,
the positive, the love,
leaving me secluded.
what am i missing?
how can i fill this pit?
what piece can fit?
is there a way i can feel
whole, loved, and accepted?
dreams, nightmaresshadows of past times
run through my mind.
fragments of what could be
play out scenes for me.
people, words, actions,
all that had been done.
the fears of seeming certain people
cause so much pain, it could kill.
dreams so sweet,
i wish they were real.
nightmares so clear,
i wake from strong fear.
wy do these dreams
come at times, so lonely?
why can't my dreams be true?
i wish i could be with you,
now that I've learned, and grown,
knowing what i should and shouldn't do.
these shadows haunt me,
so realistic, wondering are they real?
sights, sounds, feelings, regrets,
all things I'd rather forget.
if only i knew you'd cause this pain
i wouldn't feel this pathetic, and lame.
i hope these dreams could be true,
to have another chance to be with you.
i dread these nightmares come to be,
you won't have a new chance to hurt me.
darkness completemy eyes burn,
my fists clenched,
my throat growls,
my body shakes....
all this negative energy
has built up inside me,
it wants for a release,
something, someone to beat.
my eyes can't ever believe
all the evil grins they see,
the pain from so many tears,
the red hue from hate in me.
my fists clenched so tight,
veins pulse plain in slight.
they long for a cruel fight,
all to make things right.
my throat holding a deep growl,
wanting to release so many vowels,
sounds so dark, to make everyone cower,
words so strong, hate, and power.
my body shakes from all the rage,
like a wild beast fighting a cage,
it longs to cause so much pain,
to the one who caused this hate.
my heart black,
my teeth bared,
my mind dark.
my heart has turned pitch black,
it will never be turned back.
it calls out for pain to exact
revenge on the one who caused this act.
my mind, has grown so dark,
only thinking on its part.
no longer cares who you are,
it's focus, avenge this heart.
all this darkness
caused from my
It's Okay to be ImperfectThe moon
Stand Against SuicideI know the pain is perhaps unbearable,
But darling, please put down the blade.
Release your emotions through tears and smiles,
Rather than dreading these days.
Do it for the little girl, whose mother can’t be there,
Or for the boy whose father drank too much.
For the boy who can’t sit in elementary school,
Because the bruises from Daddy hurt to touch.
For the teenage girl lying face down in her bed,
Thinking, why can’t it all be done?
For the elderly man looking up at the stars,
Counting the days one by one.
Do it for the children who wonder, does it end?
For the ones who feel left on their own.
For the ones who think, maybe it wouldn’t be so hard
If I didn’t feel so left alone.
And finally, do it for one other person,
The person in front of these words.
Because you’ll never know how it gets better
When focusing on pain and hurt.
Live one more day, dear, for them and for you,
And I swear to you, problems will fade.
I know, for right now, it’s p
Unable to loveMy love was pure
I only wanted
But my heart
Because my love
Like a piece of garbage
And now I'm unable
Because the shreds
Of my shattered soul
I Thought I Needed FeminismI thought I needed feminism, when I was a little girl.
And I am very sad to admit, that this wasn't very long ago.
I thought when he held the door open for me, that he was making a big mistake.
That he was being a pompous ass, and he took my strength for a fake.
And when he offered to pay my tab, I still called him an ass.
Because I thought he assumed I was poor, and below middle class.
Or when his hard work earned him a promotion,
yet I did nothing, and the boss' ignorance to promote me, I believed was a sexist notion.
My friend really wanted feminism when she found her ex-dead drunk,
removed his clothes, and without his consent, had a pleasurable fuck.
When her parents bust into the room unexpected that night,
she said he raped her, and he was arrested without so much as a fight.
Perhaps feminism was there when I walked out into the street in pure nudity,
and shouted the my neighbors “You have no right to judge me!”
I didn't care about the children who were standing in th
MathematicsI am but the sum of my
F L A W S;
a network of
S C A R S
a disaster of
D R E A M S
a shield of
B O N E S
C A L C U L A T I O N
a void of
to the girl i lose my words aroundi have been meaning to tell you for years:
i think you’re beautiful. i have
seen nothing on earth that holds a candle
to the ocean you carry inside your body.
it spills over your edges sometimes, like
a rain shower around you, blurring your penciled-in
lines until there is nothing left of you but your natural
cliffs, valleys, and deserts.
i like that.
i have never met someone who is, somehow,
a sea and a storm at the same time.
maybe i never will again.
maybe you are the only one
who gathers clouds on her forehead
like a promise, or feels the push and pull of the tide
with her every step.
you are beautiful, honestly.
you are honest, beautifully.
it is in the way you talk, the way you hold ice
on your tongue but forget to use it—
you always forget to use it, i don’t think
you know how.
to be truthful, i’m afraid of your smile
and how it breaks over me, how it pulls
me like a whirlpool down, how it pushes me
like a current back to the surface. i’m afraid of
DifferentDifferent on the outside,
Different mask you see daily,
Different girl you call ‘Hailey’
To my surprise
Your ears are distracted,
So I tell lies, looking into your eyes,
“Yea I’m fine. Simply tired”
For that response my brain is wired.
Different mouth you hear speaking,
Different voice you hear screaming
Different eyes you see pleading,
Different person you’d befriended
I’m sorry this is how it’s ended.
memoriesOur secret kisses in the moonlight,
The feeling of happiness just by being st your side,
The long walks thru town st night,
The promises to always strive and solve any fights.
These happy times haunt my heart,
The memories of our promise to never part,
I wish they flourished instead of becoming what they are.
The tears we shed when you had to leave,
The promise to be mine, and return for me,
the smile i had for only you to see,
The happy future i still hope and wish could be.
Is there some part of you that holds to these memories,
A small part that cried when i would beg "please"
A part that regrets all those broken promises,
Something screaming "don't say goods bye!"
A part of your heart that longs to be mine,
Are you breaking like me deep down inside?
Keep in Touch!