[x]

Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
Maybe.
But at least it makes me
Me.

FrostbiteNumbness
I can’t feel my toes and at first I think
It’s just my toes.
I can cover them up.
I can warm them.

It spreads, like fire,
Like ice.
I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are cold
Pat –pat
That’s funny, I didn’t feel that
Maybe I’ll cover them up too
I’ll warm them up.

I’ll take a nap
Maybe a short rest will make it all better, warm them
Up…
What’s that? How long has it been?
My legs… are you still mine..
Why has my breath left me, short?
Has everything but deserted me?

What about you, are you still here?
Are you still with me?
Hello?
And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –

You'll Never Understand...You'll never understand...
But I'm glad you don't.
Because that would mean
You'd have to go through my pain.
And I'd never wish that
For you.

Dear fucked society,Dear fucked up society,
Why do you take our rights?
Our human rights?
To who we love?
To who we are.. To our image?
Tell me.

You force images down our throat;
Images of airbrushed, false looking
people. You want people to look
more skinny and cause anorexia,
More along the hidden line that
you dig under the ground like
a dead forgotten body yet always there

You show us that its not right to be gay,
lesbian, bi-sexual or transgendered..
And then wonder why the suicide rate is
so fucking high. You cause the nightmares
and terrors of our family not accepting us
our

Sleeping Beautyshe’s in love with a character who
never existed but in the labyrinth of her head:
a patchwork composition of beautiful, lengthy words
she’d heard in her catatonic state; coma living
day in and day out, reliant on the salvation
of a man made of foreign wishing
and imperfection and necessity – an ignorance
of the less than ideal perception of self she’d
come to fear, absention stained romantic to the point
where daydreams were a standard for survival

(real living is for the purposeful of heart,
he loves her in her sleep)

UneditedWe cry.
We scream.
We fight for our dream.

We scream.
We cry.
We're just waiting to die.

The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.

The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.

So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?

Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?

Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.

Wouldn't surprise.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"

I don't fight fair...Cut, bruised, scraped, forgotten. These things I have all been at least once in my life. But it
hasn't made me stronger, just more determined in my fight to live another day.
I know the ways of my attackers, studied their movements, learned their tricks and gleamed
their true motives. I have seen their weaknesses, their faults, theirs flaws and I have kept
them close to me, ready for use when the next time we meet.
They are cautious of me, they have weary from my adaptive ways, knowing that I can fall only
so many times. They are scared for I have the key to their defeat; not by sane ways, but by
the ways they fear to tread.
One look, one stare, one gesture and they will run in fear for the truth is upon them: "I won't
live restrained anymore."
"I have seen your errors an played on them like strings on a violin. Moved you to place were I
make the rules. Put you on display for all to see what you have done, and what will be done."

You ha

Happily AloneHonesty,
She does not have,
Personalities,
She has many of them.

A million shields,
a million personalities,
She's always changing,
to fit every person around her.

If one were to ask why,
she would answer with,
I will never reveal my weaknesses,
because she's evil.

She hates everyone,
stupider than her is barely tolerable,
smarter than her is too scary,
She hates it all.

She leaves the world behind,
To one she has dreamt of,
No color,
nobody else.

Then,
she will smile,
why,
because she is truly happy alone.

She is not evil,
She does not hate you,
She is not dishonest,
She simply wants to be alone.

lifelinesI fear the sound of sparrows
and the density of leaves
against dew-muffled blades
of grass,

and I'm drowning
in the sky.

My skin has learned how
to peel itself off
without causing a commotion
in my marrows or
even show the slightest hint
of pain,
and my heart has learned how
to hush the stars in their wake
and keep it all a secret.

There's a sea in my mouth
and I can't swim.

There are lifelines
cast like these and it will
all end with the same tragedy.

We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.

It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.

We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.

There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so

of seafoam thronesFrom Atlas’ hands she wept to me,
atop Africas and South Atlantics;

this is one situation unaffected by
ember eyes and windy lashes
(it has no anatomy).

You are sparrows stranded
in tiny crevices and cliffside love,
though you rebuke flight
in the fear of chipping feathers.

So what do you do?

You reach for my soul,
coveting flight with shaking
dainty arms…

and perhaps I’ll let you:
With flytrap lips and
glass shaped hips…
you are unfit for anything but
sight.

(But beauty isn’t everything)

The WaitingBones hang from trees
Hollow windchimes rattling
In the sullen breeze

Dark clouds make noonday dusk
Rusted buttons on threadbare coats
Sorrow drips like rain

(From the fingertips of this dead-rose day)

Hoofprints kill the grass
Where the dark horse steps
The rider unsmiling

The tired and ill amble about
Cattle awaiting the shoulder tap
To sleep, but not to dream

(To become whatever the second birth dictates)

Ashes on the SandWe put you in
a crystal box
small enough for me
to hold in my
hands
(and that thought gives me
chill bumps)
The tide was high
where we took you
and I remember thinking
how pointless it was
(you were just going to wash
up on the shore)
Everyone was quiet
and some people cried
and as you were tossed
out to sea like so
many grains of sand
I thought how much
I missed you
(Now I think how much
I hate you
for leaving)

Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.

Splash.

In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.

There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop

A Charmed LifeDoll-faced men and sinkholes, ancient tombstones
Leaves piled ankle-deep, falling down
Old wells, old graves, old friends lost
Pirate adventures in Neverland
Don't go into that barn

Ponchoboy and Rangergirl rise from the ashes
From the cold river, from afar
Remember before they were born, how they
Held hands and jumped into the world
Don't go into that school

Ladybugs, pennies, notes from the dead sun eclipse
Scrape the inside of your skull for clues
All the old dreams are still there, petrified
You are a rock of ages gibbering
Don't go into that factory

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memories of the lost loveMy
dreams,
Memories,
Songs,
Thoughts,
Remind me of a past
That I wished would've last.

My drawings,
Feelings,
They're all reminding me,
Of what we used to be.

So many years have passed
Since those cruel words were said.
On both our ends.
Why after so long
Have I had thoughts
Of what we were, what we had?

I remember the good, the bad
The fun, the laughs we had.
The tears, the words so cruel,
The years of silence.
I thought I forgot about you,
I wonder if you did the same for me.

I only just got passed the pain of another,
Why would my heart and mind even bother?
Am I that desperate for a lover?
are these dreams trying to tell me
That

help me....Someone help...
Stop my brain from thinking,
Silence it's thoughts...
It keeps reminding me,
Refreshing those memories,
Keeping my heart in pieces....

I want this to be over.
No longer wishing, wanting
Him as my lover...
No more dreams
Of what will never be.
No more memories
Of all he said, and did to me....

If there was a chance,
Yes,
I would want to make it work,
Make it real, make it last.
But I know it's the past,
So please let me have my rest.

I love and hate you,
I know what I should do,
For now though
I'm trying to let you go,
Trying to move on, and grow.

Sadly this over thinking
Has got the better of me,
My depression has returned

good and lonelyI've been told I'm a good person,
Someone with a big heart.
So, if this is true,
Why am I always hurt,
Used, betrayed, broken ?

It's said the good people suffer the most
Because they know
How it feels how it is to be truly alone.

Is it something in human nature
That the good suffer
While the bad thrive?
How can this be right?

Why hurt the ones closest to you,
Who are there no matter What,
Who knows you the most,
Who won't betray ,lie, or use?

You're called a bitch for being To strong,
You're called weak because you care to much.

Why do humans act this way?
They claim to want peace,
But are always at war.

Why?!

Do you feel the

Broken beyond words....Broken beyond words,
But who cares,
As long as you get what you want,
Why does it matter who's heart
Is broken, torn, and destroyed?
To you it's just another toy.

How can you be so cruel?
It doesn't help that I knew you
Better than most do,
Knew that I would lose you.

So why,
Why did I hope
Why did I try
Why did I think you'd be mine
Why did I believe your lies?

Was I worth anything to you ?
Did you ever mean it when you'd say,
"I love you "
Or was that just as a whim of a day?

After all the lies, tears, and pain,
Three times over now.
Tell me how,
How can I ever trust again ?
How can I ever let anyone else in?
Just to fear that they wou

anti-social blueThis black, cold pain
Is starting to take over again,
Wanting nothing to do with anyone,
Neither new or old,
I hate being So alone,
Yet I want no one.

Nothing is wrong in particular,
I've just shut everyone out.
I want and don't want
to have someone near.

Even though it's been some time
I fear being fooled by another lie.
I fear letting someone in again,
Only to feel that kind of pain.

No one has Done anything wrong,
I hope this doesn't last too long,
I guess this is what happens
When my mind wanders again.

still the fool....Why do I do this to myself,
Even though Its long since past,
Why do I still love you?
After all that pain I felt,
I still long for an honest chance.

How can someone who hurt me so deep,
Still mean the world to me?
Am i that obsessed,
That pathetic,
Am i that much of a mess?

I don't know what to do.
How I'm supposed to forget you,
Forget what I thought I knew,
Move onto something new?

I don't know, how, what to do.
All I know is I still want and love you,
Even though I'm a pathetic, obsessed fool.

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Submitted: September 30, 2012
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memories

by ~kaiteaidea, Sep 30, 2012, 1:23:15 AM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

Our secret kisses in the moonlight,
The feeling of happiness just by being st your side,
The long walks thru town st night,
The promises to always strive and solve any fights.

These happy times haunt my heart,
The memories of our promise to never part,
I wish they flourished instead of becoming what they are.

The tears we shed when you had to leave,
The promise to be mine, and return for me,
the smile i had for only you to see,
The happy future i still hope and wish could be.

Is there some part of you that holds to these memories,
A small part that cried when i would beg "please"
A part that regrets all those broken promises,
those lies,
Something screaming "don't say goods bye!"
A part of your heart that longs to be mine,
Are you breaking like me deep down inside?

memoriesby ~kaiteaidea

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

*Amanda-Graham Sep 30, 2012 Professional Writer

Yami,

Just a small question ... "Something screaming "don't say goods bye!"

not sure is the "goods bye" a specific intent? or a grammatical error? "good byes" ?

Love the work

Mandy

~kaiteaidea Sep 30, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

I typed this on, my phone at 5 am, it was a typo from my phone

I have to read thru this again n fix them all

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