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youyou keep haunting me,
you keep popping into my dreams,
your words sting haunt my ears.
I've tried to move on, to forget,
I've tried to extend a hand,
I've tried to not care, or worry...
out of all all the ones I've loved
the one who's caused so much pain,
why do i think of you still?
every time i think of you
i hate myself,
what I've done, what I've said...
i wish i could show you, prove to you
that i mean what i say,
that i still, somehow, love you.
Untitledi can feel it close
this pain, this loneliness
it's done it's damage,
it's left it's scars.
they've led up to this,
which ever word you like...
I've given up,
I've asked why
i have no answers...
so I'm just closing,
closing up my heart,
closing up my thoughts...
is anything real
in this complacent world?
are there any truths
in the thoughts of virtues?
is anything real
in the moments in life?
another sleepless nightTime clicks by,
I still try,
No sleep tonight,
Thoughts fill my mind.
True and false,
What came to pass.
The light burns bright,
Burns in my eyes,
Waiting for sleep tonight.
Yearning for sleep,
Maybe even dreaming,
As long as my mind lets me.
Silence all around,
Only ambient sound.
Wishing to snore, so loud,
Wanting sleep, here, now.
No one near by,
No warm body at my side,
No tears to cry,
No sleep, day and night.
messy thoughtsregret, hate, fear, sadness.
writers block, speechless,
wandering aimlessly, lost.
how did this all come to be?
how is it all who've wronged me,
have a perfect life, happy ending
crying, hiding, screaming,
sleepless nights, tired,
sitting alone, forgotten.
why am i the one only paying?
i know i did wrong, but why,
why don't they get the same pain?
rage, anger, pain,
over taken, weakened.
what makes it right?
the ones who harm, and lie
always get what they want in life.
depressed, fed up,
not worth love, happiness.
when did this become right?
the ones who cheat and lie,
are given everything, no fight.
scarred from the pain.
who have i wronged?
am i really the cause
for my own misery?
given up, fed up.
what's the point?
where is their karmic return?
they do wrong, cause pain,
yet aren't given that in return.
lied to, betrayed,
torn, ripped, shred,
mind, body and soul.
to know they've bee
what i missed...To look back in time,
reviewing your life,
seeing all the mistakes done,
knowing now what has come.
would you do it over?
"do it right?"
would you learn the unknown?
to finally find out the "how's", the "why's".
to learn why you had no choice at times,
to see who is worth the fight,
or when to let it go, or say "no"?
wouldn't it be nice to,
change your life for he better,
maybe stop the pain from the lies,
avoid the most dangerous of times?
would you see why;
parents, friends, loves,
why did they hurt you so much?
why did they leave you behind?
would you stop them?
questions everyone ponders over.
i know what my decisions would be.
to have a "normal" family,
to have a dad to
"walk me down the isle."
to have a mom,
to do what ever a mom and daughter would do.
to have childhood friends,
to swap those stories with.
having a "girls night out".
to not feel so alone, and awkward.
maybe these simple things
seem so mundane to others,
but they are all things i never had.
to see a happy child wi
the emptinessthat void,
it fills me with
a longing, a want
to fill what I'm missing.
what made this hole in me?
why can i not find it's filling?
where are the right pieces?
what is it that I'm missing?
how many times have i tried?
i can't fill what i don't know,
what i don't understand.
how did this happen??
did someone cause this?
is it self inflicted?
feeling alone, forgettable,
someone who's unlovable;
even though I'm told otherwise.
i can't believe, or see their words.
with this void inside me.
this void eats the good,
the positive, the love,
leaving me secluded.
what am i missing?
how can i fill this pit?
what piece can fit?
is there a way i can feel
whole, loved, and accepted?
dreams, nightmaresshadows of past times
run through my mind.
fragments of what could be
play out scenes for me.
people, words, actions,
all that had been done.
the fears of seeming certain people
cause so much pain, it could kill.
dreams so sweet,
i wish they were real.
nightmares so clear,
i wake from strong fear.
wy do these dreams
come at times, so lonely?
why can't my dreams be true?
i wish i could be with you,
now that I've learned, and grown,
knowing what i should and shouldn't do.
these shadows haunt me,
so realistic, wondering are they real?
sights, sounds, feelings, regrets,
all things I'd rather forget.
if only i knew you'd cause this pain
i wouldn't feel this pathetic, and lame.
i hope these dreams could be true,
to have another chance to be with you.
i dread these nightmares come to be,
you won't have a new chance to hurt me.
darkness completemy eyes burn,
my fists clenched,
my throat growls,
my body shakes....
all this negative energy
has built up inside me,
it wants for a release,
something, someone to beat.
my eyes can't ever believe
all the evil grins they see,
the pain from so many tears,
the red hue from hate in me.
my fists clenched so tight,
veins pulse plain in slight.
they long for a cruel fight,
all to make things right.
my throat holding a deep growl,
wanting to release so many vowels,
sounds so dark, to make everyone cower,
words so strong, hate, and power.
my body shakes from all the rage,
like a wild beast fighting a cage,
it longs to cause so much pain,
to the one who caused this hate.
my heart black,
my teeth bared,
my mind dark.
my heart has turned pitch black,
it will never be turned back.
it calls out for pain to exact
revenge on the one who caused this act.
my mind, has grown so dark,
only thinking on its part.
no longer cares who you are,
it's focus, avenge this heart.
all this darkness
caused from my
A message to the brokenYou drown yourself
in liquid sorrows,
letting the salty mess
burn your wounds,
and the sadness
to drip in your mouth,
consuming your words
and you say
you deserve the pain,
but I want to dry your face,
and whisper in your ear
how the clouds cry too,
while they hold such beauty,
and so do you.
Stand Against SuicideI know the pain is perhaps unbearable,
But darling, please put down the blade.
Release your emotions through tears and smiles,
Rather than dreading these days.
Do it for the little girl, whose mother can’t be there,
Or for the boy whose father drank too much.
For the boy who can’t sit in elementary school,
Because the bruises from Daddy hurt to touch.
For the teenage girl lying face down in her bed,
Thinking, why can’t it all be done?
For the elderly man looking up at the stars,
Counting the days one by one.
Do it for the children who wonder, does it end?
For the ones who feel left on their own.
For the ones who think, maybe it wouldn’t be so hard
If I didn’t feel so left alone.
And finally, do it for one other person,
The person in front of these words.
Because you’ll never know how it gets better
When focusing on pain and hurt.
Live one more day, dear, for them and for you,
And I swear to you, problems will fade.
I know, for right now, it’s p
Pretty metaphors are for pretty girlsI told you to stop
spewing pretty metaphors at me,
for with each elaborate comparison,
I feel a bit more
detached from this world
And maybe I don’t feel so strong at the moment,
but would you be
if you felt like the entire universe
was resting upon your shoulders,
and someone was just there saying:
But you’re stronger than the powerful beats
of a butterfly’s wings
And maybe I do need more confidence,
but would you exuberate it
when the part you hated most about yourself
were the freckles that have speckled your face for years,
and someone was just there muttering:
They’re not flaws,
but rather stars that form constellations
Yes, I can’t help but hate
all those unrealistic metaphors
you choose to pelt at me when I’m low,
yet the irony is,
I know that those beautiful words
are realistic in your eyes,
So I can’t hate you.
It's Okay to be ImperfectThe moon
dark circlesi haven't slept well in 14 days
my eyes droop pretty colors
'50 shades of purple and grey,
they're bags and they're designer'
making jokes is how i cope
with chapped lips and constant chap-stick
it tastes like honey and mint
i laugh and say i'm addicted.
hooded lids and sleepy smiles
during lunch at subway
my friends ask if I'm okay
I say that I'm just tired.
but really when I see him with her
my heart sinks to the tiles
she's pretty and witty and sure as hell she can sing
and i'm just a loud bone-collector.
when I see her with him,
dancing and laughing and grinning,
the ring on her finger
laughs at my singularity.
for as much as i lie and as much as i try
my loneliness still creeps in,
because no matter how much they protest,
i'm still the lowly fifth-wheel.
walking behind them on sidewalks
that are wide, but built for four
smiles and laughs when they look back
but the frown creeps evermore.
pelvis peaks through paper-thin skin
and knuckles white and pale
my ribs are empty, my bo
Clear WristA clear wrist, barren of scars,
as opposed to skin sauntered in marks,
tells a trickier story than it's soiled and raw,
uncaring, unkempt counter part.
Bravery, I think it holds,
the strength to bare unimaginable loads
of pain and suffering through endless times,
and withstanding the agony of sleepless nights.
Some think it is fear, the reluctance to cut,
but I believe it opposite, it show courage and guts.
To bear your pain without a nick on your wrist,
is like a solider braving his terrain while being torn limb from limb.
Agonizing as it is, to hide your pain,
you do it so well, and no attention you'll gain.
At the end of the day, it's not cry for attention,
rather a cry for the victory that's silently mentioned.
Your scars are those not self inflicted,
and despite the gnawing intention,
to harm yourself and ease your pain,
the scars you earn are rightfully gained.
In a room of those who have jumped the gun,
and left traces of blood deep in their arms,
do not be tempted to do the sam
memoriesOur secret kisses in the moonlight,
The feeling of happiness just by being st your side,
The long walks thru town st night,
The promises to always strive and solve any fights.
These happy times haunt my heart,
The memories of our promise to never part,
I wish they flourished instead of becoming what they are.
The tears we shed when you had to leave,
The promise to be mine, and return for me,
the smile i had for only you to see,
The happy future i still hope and wish could be.
Is there some part of you that holds to these memories,
A small part that cried when i would beg "please"
A part that regrets all those broken promises,
Something screaming "don't say goods bye!"
A part of your heart that longs to be mine,
Are you breaking like me deep down inside?
All Here For A ReasonI turned onto a shady, well-manicured driveway that, for all intents and purposes, looked harmless enough. Maple trees lined both sides of the street, and a parade of Canadian geese marched across the road to a wide duck pond with a flamboyant fountain. There were blooming crepe myrtles and rose-of-sharons, and as I grew closer to my destination, neatly trimmed gardens with neatly trimmed bushes.
I stopped to let the geese pass. They looked at me; one hissed. I honked my horn and moved around them.
At the end of the road sat a collection of grayish buildings and a number of signs directing me to the appropriate parking lot. "Welcome to Ten Creeks Hospital," said one of them. "Please enjoy your stay." I parked in the visitor's lot. Surely I wouldn't be staying.
I was shaking when I got out of my car. I had spent the morning getting high. One foot in front of the other, flip-flop noises, hot sidewalk. Mulberry and magnolia trees, freshly shaved grass. A bench and pan for smokers. A set o
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