Rage

The rage builds over time.
It slowly takes over,
my mind, the pain, sadness, anger.
It makes me sound like a "hater."
I know I'm not this negative person,
and all these "excuses" aren't good reasons.

I'm so tired of being the one to blame.
Having this rage feels like I'm holding a flame.
It burns and hurts me deep inside.
All I want to do is scream and cry.

I used to be so strong,
now all I'm told, all I feel is,
"I'm always wrong."
i can only take this for so long.

Are my tears and rage that amusing,
that you keep pushing me to watch the bruising,
to watch me fall apart from the inside out,
til I'm left with nothing, anger, pain, and doubt?

My anger consumes all that's around me.
People waiting to betray me is all I ever see.
I keep all this negativity hidden deep inside,
until it boils over leaving no where to hide.
I do it all to protect the few friends I have left.

My anger makes me so unbearable
to people and friends it must be incomparable.
Why must my anger be so much,
scaring away everyone's warm touch?

I try not to be like this,
but everyone know I'll have these fits.
Depression, anger, doubt,
I have no way to let it out.
All it does is push everyone away.
I'm afraid I'll be completely alone one day.
The anger will have won,
leaving no friends, no one.
Who is brave or stupid enough
to last long enough for me to love me?